Steelers

Colin Dunlap: Super Bowl Prop Bets I Would Like To See

By: Colin Dunlap - CBS Pittsburgh
(Photo Credit: John Moore/Getty Images)

(Photo Credit: John Moore/Getty Images)

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The silly season is upon us.

The time of year — with Super Bowl XLVIII set to be played on Sunday — where we latch onto any semi-story possible in an effort to make it semi-newsworthy.

Such is the annual case with the inane prop bets that center around the game; the ones that you have to take a peek at and ponder for a moment, because you just cannot help yourself …

How long will the National Anthem take?

What color jacket will the singer wear?

Who will score first?

How long will the halftime performance take?

Will the coin toss come up heads or tails?

Yada, yada, yada, blabber, blabber blabber.

Those are all too cliché for my tastes. That said, I have put together a list of (not really) Super Bowl Prop Bets that I would undeniably like to see.

* Will the Fox pregame go insanely overboard in hammering home the Vince Lombardi storyline because the game is being played in the New York metro area? (Yes -1500, No +750)

* Odds that the weird guy/lady at the Super Bowl party — who seems a bit fragile to begin with — will get choked up when the Clydesdale commercial from Budweiser comes on: 2/1

* Odds that the lady in the bejeweled football shirt and mom jeans at the Super Bowl party, who you least want to talk you, will talk your ear off for 45 minutes about her cats. And dumb stuff in her life. And her cats. And ask you who is playing. And talk about her cats: 1/1

* Over/Under on the amount of times the telecast shows NFL commish Roger Goodell sitting in the stands in an effort to try to depict him as some sort of “regular guy”: 8.5

* Over/Under on the amount of times the telecast shows NFL commish Roger Goodell getting out of his pricey limousine as he enters the game in an effort to try to depict him as some sort of “regular guy”: 0.5

* Will the female reporter from Telemundo be wearing something wildly inappropriate during the postgame interviews? (Yes -5000, No +1200)

* Will I enjoy the wildly inappropriate attire most likely worn by the Telemundo reporter during the postgame interviews? (Yes -5000, No +1200)

* Over/Under for how long it takes the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks to mention that neither the Broncos nor Seahawks could beat the 1970s Steelers: 1 minute, 12 seconds

* Over/Under for how long it takes the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks to mention that neither the Broncos nor Seahawks could score a point on the 1970s Steelers: 2 minutes, 44 seconds

* Over/Under for how long it takes the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks to mention that Peyton Manning isn’t “half the quarterback” that Terry Bradshaw was: 3 minutes, 22 seconds

* Over/Under for how long it takes the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks to mention that Chuck Noll would never let players act the way Pete Carroll does: 5 minutes, 41 seconds

* Over/Under for how long it takes the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks to complain about Todd Haley: 6 minutes, 38 seconds

* Odds the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks tries to argue with someone that anthem singer Renee Fleming is related to former Steelers play-by-play man Jack Fleming: 2/1

* Odds the guy at your Super Bowl party in the acid washed jeans, Jack Lambert jersey and high-top white Reeboks tries to argue with someone that Broncos running back Knowshon Moreno is related to former Pirates outfielder Omar Moreno: 3/1

* Over/under (in inches) of how far Fox Sports game play-by-play man Joe Buck’s hair will move during the entire broadcast: 1.65

* Odds that the guy at your Super Bowl party who can least afford to eat 8 pounds of Buffalo Chicken Dip — because he’s not the exemplary model of health — is the guy who eats 8 pounds of Buffalo Chicken Dip after saying 22 times that he’s having, “just one more bite”: 1/1

* Over/under on how many times during the telecast it is mentioned that Broncos coach John Fox head heart surgery: 1,284

* Over/Under on the people in America who don’t like Richard Sherman, but won’t admit the real reason is tinged in their racism: 2.73 million

Colin Dunlap is a featured columnist at CBSPittsburgh.com. He can also be heard weeknights from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. on Sports Radio 93-7 “The Fan.” You can e-mail him at colin.dunlap@cbsradio.com. Check out his bio here.

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