PITTSBURGH (KDKA) – Earlier this year, Rikki Ours was arrested when police found her lying on top of her 4-month-old after overdosing on heroin.
Since then, the mother of three from Ambridge has been fighting to get sober once and for all and not just for herself, but also for her children.
“I sit here and look out the window a lot,” Rikki Ours said. “Most of the time I’m just trying to clear my head. I think too much already.”
Ours spends her days hoping to be on the other side of the window from inside her cell at the Beaver County Jail.
“I just want to be in the grass. I miss the grass,” Rikki said. “I have a lot of time to think.”
Rikki thinks about how she ended up in jail.
“In the past two years, this is my fourth time in jail,” Rikki said.
Rikki vaguely remembers what happened at her apartment in Ambridge back on Feb. 2.
“Honestly, the only thing I remember was I was in the bathroom. I used and then I woke up and the cops were surrounding me,” Rikki said.
Rikki had overdosed on heroin. Police found her lying on top of her 4-month-old son, Xavier.
“He was on the bed with me. I don’t really know how I got to the bed, but I did,” Rikki said.
Police revived Rikki with Narcan and arrested her. Xavier ended up in foster care.
Rikki also had two older sons, ages 6 and 9, from a previous relationship. Their father has custody and Rikki hasn’t seen them in two years.
“I just want to let all the mothers out there struggling with addiction know that it’s not worth it. The losses that you have. Losing your children. Losing everything that you’ve worked for is just not worth the tremendous loss and pain that you feel,” Rikki said.
Rikki experimented with drugs when she was younger, mostly marijuana, but when she turned 18, she started using heroin, then cocaine.
“I went to rehab once and I was clean for eight years after that,” Rikki said.
Eventually she relapsed, repeatedly.
“I’ve come to realize that now whenever things start getting too stressful when I’m not able to cope, that’s when I relapse,” Rikki said.
Rikki’s hoping this time around is different. Since being in jail, she’s been focused on breaking her addiction for good.
“We have a lot of volunteers coming in from local churches and I’ve been going to those. NA and AA come in every once in awhile to do an inside meeting for us. And there’s a Bridges to Life program and they’ve been helping me learn to forgive myself, how to be repentant, how to confess my wrongdoings and just really giving me the insight to myself that I need to overcome my addiction,” Rikki said.
She’s hopeful when she gets out of jail, she can use what she’s learned to help other addicts.
“They have the option for whenever the inmates get out they can do an outside program as well and I’d really like to join in on that and volunteer and be on the other side of it and maybe I can help someone like me realize something within themselves because it’s helped me realize a lot,” Rikki said.
Through all of it, one of Rikki’s biggest regrets is the pain she’s caused her family.
KDKA’s Amy Wadas: “Have you talked to your family at all since this recent incident?”
Rikki: “My mom just started talking to me again. She came to visit me last week.”
“You don’t just hurt yourself. You hurt everybody that cares about you,” Rikki said. “I just want to tell them I’m sorry.”
While she considers drug addiction to be a disease, she did emphasize that she really feels it’s also a choice.
She said all it takes is one time to become addicted.
Ours has learned that it’s really important to have one person you can trust to be there for you when you feel the desire to use.