TALE OF THE TAPE

RG3’s Knee Vs. The Fiscal Cliff: Which Wintertime Disaster Will Screw Washington Longer?

Ok team! A couple pieces of news happened in Washington recently, and for the love of all things holy we can’t understand either one. So today, we’re going to do a comprehensive study of both RG3’s crippling knee injury and the recent Fiscal Cliff deal, and try to see which of the two is set to have a more devastating effect on Washington DC.

RGIII's Knee
The Fiscal Cliff
Wild Card Playoffs - Seattle Seahawks v Washington Redskins
US-POLITICS-ECONOMY
Wait, wait, wait. What happened?!
Winner According to CBSSports.com, "a direct repair" of the lateral collateral ligament and "a re-do of [Griffin's] previous ACL reconstruction."
Winner Per Forbes, “[T]he current 10/15/25/28/33/35% individual tax rate brackets [will revert] to the pre-2001 rates of 15/28/31/36/39.6%."
I see. In English?
Winner The most exciting player in the NFL shredded his leg.
Winner Your taxes are going up something fierce.
AUGH! NO! What!? Why?!
Winner Well, let's be honest. It's the Washington Redskins. They had something like this coming to them sooner or later.
Winner I don't...know. I don't think anyone knows. It was a bunch of people on both sides fighting and now we have a deal that nobody's really happy with, and everyone's paying more money.
WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!
Winner A lot of people seem to think Mike Shanahan waited a little too long to pull RG3 out of the game.
Winner A lot of people think that John Boehner waited a little too long to...heh...heh heh..."Boehner."
So what are the long term implications?
Winner Long term? RG3 will be fine. He's expected to make a full recovery.
Winner Hell if I know. But it sounds like the deficit will reduce, so...it's better?
And the short term implications?
Winner If RG3's recovery is delayed, you're stuck with the respectable - but severely non-thrilling - Kirk Cousins.
Winner You have less money to drink your face off at Kirk Cousin-led games.

We'll Just Call it a Tie

Wild Card Playoffs - Seattle Seahawks v Washington Redskins US-POLITICS-ECONOMY

Nobody. Nobody is the winner. Unless you're a fan of the Giants, Eagles or Cowboys. Otherwise everyone’s poor and bored.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (Photo credit: Adam Hunger/Getty Images) (Photo Credit: Justin K. Aller/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Best Rookie/Freshman Seasons Of All-Time

    Starkey and Mueller drafted the best rookie/freshman seasons of all-time with the final pick having to be a Pittsburgh athlete.

  2. (Photo Credit: Mike Powell/Getty Images) (Photo Credit: Robert Laberge/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Best Defenses Of All-Time

    In honor of Pitt playing the most defensive minded team in the country in Virginia, Starkey and Mueller drafted the best defensive teams of all-time across all sports with a sixth pick of the best defensive player.

  3. (Photo by Richard Wolowicz/Getty Images) (Photo by Frederick Breedon/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Best NHL Road Cities

    Being former Penguins beat writers, Joe Starkey and Rob Rossi drafted their favorite NHL road cities with a final pick of the best press box food item served at an NHL game.

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 8,691 other followers