TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: Colin Kaepernick Vs. Overpowered Video Game QB

Colin Kaepernick
Video Game QB
Police are searching an area of Downtown Pittsburgh for a missing girl.
A Pennsylvania man angered over the racy Facebook messages his daughter allegedly received will spend up to 23 months in jail.
Rating in Madden ‘13?
80. Wait, what? 80? Come on, EA Sports. You gotta get with the program.
Winner 99, because you’re a cheater! YOU’RE A DAMN, DIRTY CHEATER!
Better Name?
While he doesn’t have an All-American superhero name like Joe Montana or Johnny Unitas, he does has a diphthong in his name, and that’s worth a few points.
Winner Well, you get to name him, so he’s probably “Flex Strongarm” or “Jack-Rage Laserpunch.” And unrealistic as those are...there’s no arguing with them.
College?
Winner While he doesn’t have an All-American superhero name like Joe Montana or Johnny Unitas, he does has a diphthong in his name, and that’s worth a few points.
Well, you get to name him, so he’s probably “Flex Strongarm” or “Jack-Rage Laserpunch.” And unrealistic as those are...there’s no arguing with them.
Most Impressive Performance?
Winner In his first playoff game Kaepernick put up 263 and 181 rushing yards, which was not only the most rushing yards a quarterback has ever gotten in a game (playoff or otherwise), but he also set a postseason rushing record for the 49ers regardless of position.
It doesn’t matter what you did in your video game. It’s not as impressive.
Upside?
Winner All indications suggest that Kaepernick should be a reliable and entertaining quarterback for a number of years, pending any unforeseen circumstances.
While your video game quarterback will provide hours of entertainment in the next calendar year, he will be a fossil by the time Madden ‘14 comes out.
Has an Awesome Pet?
Winner When Kaepernick was 10, he got a tortoise named Sammy. That tortoise is now 115 POUNDS! AWWW HOW COOL IS THAT!?
No.

The Winner Is

Winner Colin Kaepernick
4 out of 6

The Verdict? Colin Kaepernick, 4-2! Let’s see if he can keep this mojo going in the playoffs!

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Dallas Cowboys At Arizona Cardinals

    The Cowboys got walloped by the Broncos in Week 2 and will look to take it out on a Cardinals squad that has looked shaky in its first two games.

  2. Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Oakland Raiders At Washington Redskins

    The Raiders have looked like a Super Bowl contender through two weeks. Can they keep the roll going against the Redskins?

  3. Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Kansas City Chiefs At Los Angeles Chargers

    The Chargers have suffered two heartbreaking losses to begin the year and this week doesn’t get any easier with the rival Chiefs coming to town.

See All Tales of the Tape

Watch & Listen LIVE