KDKA Morning show producer Nick Kratsas was laughing at me on a couple of occasions recently and I guess to an observer it was comical. There I was on several mornings running a morning drive radio program while at the same time trying to wake up a soundly-sleeping 17-year-old miles away at home.
There are very few among us who spring to their feet with the first ring of the alarm clock in the morning. If we did there would be no need for snooze alarms. I may get out of bed at 2:45 in the morning….okay maybe 2:50, or 2:55…..or 3 something but it is never with a spring to my feet. One foot hits the floor, then “Spike” (our West Highland Terrier) makes a noise that says “if you don’t get up right now I’m going to bark and that will wake up Mom and neither of us want that.” So out of the bed I roll. The human body is not meant to be roused from sleep at that hour – it is simply not humane.
I tell you this as my acknowledgment of my empathy for you when you have to roll out. I however fall short in the empathy department when it comes to my 17-year-old daughter. If I have a hard time getting up, for Katie it is darned near impossible.
I cannot tell you how many alarm clocks we’ve purchased and tried over the years with less than desirable results. The alarm clock criteria has always been 1) loud 2) obnoxious. We once had this plastic parrot that would squawk and raise the dead, but not Katie. That %^$#@& bird would wake me up down the hall….and keep squawking until I arrived to turn it off and wake her up.
Back to the studio. My wife was out of town recently and I was in the KDKA Radio Studio running the board and doing the show alone in Larry’s absence. 5:45am came and it was time for Katie to get up. She is supposed to text me when she wakes – no text. So I start calling her cell phone and the house phone. Over and over I call. Toss to traffic on the radio and dial Katie on my cell. Do the weather on the radio and redial the house phone. Introduce the news headlines and hit redial on the cell. When the six o’clock news comes on I commence to dialing with both of my cell phones at the same time. One on each ear – which is what Nick thought was so funny. As I repeatedly dial I know Katie’s iPhone and the house phone are ringing up a storm next to her bed……but no answer! This continues through the next half hour until she finally answers during the 6:30am news. “Oh I heard the ringing,” she tells me,” but I thought it was the snooze on my alarm so I ignored it.”
At that point she had about a half hour to do what normally takes an hour and a half. Low and behold I get a text message at 7:05 that she is on her way to school and at 7:20 she text that she has arrived at school. I am here to tell you she NEVER moves that quickly when Mom and Dad are home.
I now have a new-found respect for what my wife goes through every morning. I’m also planning another alarm clock hunting trip soon. Is it legal to keep a live rooster in McCandless?