PITTSBURGH (KDKA) — A local mother lost her two young boys in a fire.

Then, shortly after their deaths she was charged in connection with their deaths.

For the first time since all of that happened, she is telling her side of the story.

“I feel like I still punish myself a lot because I feel like I’m going on without them and they deserve to be here,” Kiaira Pollard said.

When she was arrested and charged with the death of her two sons, KiDonn and Krisdon, she knew she faced the possibility of prison, but she couldn’t move past the idea her sons were gone for good.

“It’s hard. It’s really hard,” she said. “It’s hard to wake up without them.”

The fire broke out in the middle of a warm June night. Prosecutors say no adult was at home in the North Versailles apartment at the time.

Pollard can’t discuss the details of what happened that night, but she says she was always a good mother to 7-year-old KiDonn and 4-year-old Krisdon.

She keeps a memorial in her home to help her through the hard nights.

“I no longer wake up in the middle of the night, running, looking for them,” she said. “I can go to the shirt or I can go to Krisdon’s hand, his foot and I know they’re at peace.”

Family and friends send pictures and Facebook messages about the boys which also helps Kiaira pass the time, and now she babysits a niece three days a week.

But knowing there’s a trial looming to answer charges on the death of her two sons still hangs over her head.

“And a lot of the time in the law, the human side is somewhat forgotten,” Blaine Jones, a defense attorney, said.

“What else can they do to her?” a loved one said. “She’s lost everything.”

Pollard says she is engaged to be married and would like to have more children one day, but for right now, she’s focusing on her trial.

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