TALE OF THE TAPE

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Andre Johnson
Santa Claus
Miami Dolphins v Houston Texans
(Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
(Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
40 Time?
4.41 Seconds
Winner I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
Weight?
Winner A svelte 227 pounds.
Probably more than that.
Receiving TDs this year?
Winner 5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).
None?
Estimated value of Presents
$17,352
Winner Millions and millions
Is he real?
Winner Yep!
Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?
Winner ...I’M GONNA BE RICH!
Set it to a song!
Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.
Winner Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The Winner Is

Miami Dolphins v Houston Texans
Winner Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. NEW YORK, UNITED STATES: (FILES)This undated file photo shows US baseball star Jackie Robinson as he signs a then-record contract to play for the Brooklyn Dodgers in New York. Robinson has been chosen to receive posthumously the Congressional Gold Medal, the highest award Congress can bestow on a US civilian, 02 March 2005, for his accomplishments on the baseball diamond, as well as "his lifetime of breaking down barriers and his unending fight for justice," officials on Capitol Hill said in an earlier press release. US Senator John Kerry and US Representative Richard Neal, who co-sponsored legislation honoring Robinson, will be joined by the ballplayer's widow Rachel Robinson, US President George W. Bush and congressional leaders at the ceremony. Robinson broke baseball's "color line", becoming the first African American to play in the Major Leagues when he debuted with the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947. Officials in Congress said however that he is also being honored for his contributions to the broader struggle for civil rights. (Photo Credit: Mike Powell/Getty Images)
    Best Two-Sport Athletes Of All Time

    With Tim Tebow getting a baseball deal, Starkey and Mueller drafted the best two-sport athletes of all time.

  2. OAKLAND, CA - SEPTEMBER 18:  Matt Ryan #2 of the Atlanta Falcons signals to his team during their NFL game against the Oakland Raiders at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on September 18, 2016 in Oakland, California.  (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images) EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - SEPTEMBER 18:  Quarterback  Drew Brees #9 of the New Orleans Saints hands off to Mark Ingram #22 during the first quarter against the New York Giants at MetLife Stadium on September 18, 2016 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  (Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)
    Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Atlanta Falcons At New Orleans Saints

    The NFC South rivals meet in the Big Easy with Brees and company looking for their first win.

  3. CHICAGO, IL - SEPTEMBER 19: Danny Trevathan #59 and Akiem Hicks #96 of the Chicago Bears
stop Ryan Mathews #24 of the Philadelphia Eagles
at Soldier Field on September 19, 2016 in Chicago, Illinois. The Eagels defeated the Bears 29-14. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) LANDOVER, MD - SEPTEMBER 18: Quarterback Dak Prescott #4 of the Dallas Cowboys celebrates with teammates center Travis Frederick #72 and offensive guard La\'el Collins #71 after scoring a third quarter touchdown against the Washington Redskins at FedExField on September 18, 2016 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)
    Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At Dallas Cowboys

    The Cowboys rookies have looked good the first two weeks, now they get the winless and injury plagued Bears at home.

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS Pittsburgh

Bringing You The Best in Sports Talk Radio
New Podcast Network
Learn How

Listen Live